The Adventures of the Little Indian Girl

I cried reading this article Words of Wisdom from a Single Mom. Brilliant words and advice!

“Own your choices. Don’t feel ashamed about what you’re doing, trust yourself that you’re a good parent, don’t let anybody else shame you, and, certainly, don’t shame yourself,” says Jarrett.

So so true!! For every thing! I am forever grateful that both N & I work in organisations that value the person's life and choices. Both my immediate boss and higher up are child-free. And they both are supportive of our lives, whether it's taking care of my kid/family or pursuing a sport (like my colleague does). Whatever makes us a better employee and at the end a better person. I wish such a workplace for so many others!

I don't know if I ever noted this down. Several months ago, our neighbor down the corridor had knocked on our door. He is a very friendly neighbour and had shared with us his story of visiting India (a Church missionary tour) and was looking forward to going back again.

He had knocked the door one evening to share that a friend of his who had hosted him during his trip to India is visiting him for a few days and would like us to meet (because we are also Indians). We were happy to oblige. I guess I was caught off-guard and invited him over but never mentioned anything about food...sorry, haven't lost all my Asian-ness.

So, I prepared some light meal (anyway, we had to have dinner!! :P).

It turned out to be a wonderful evening. D enjoyed Dave's company and the friend he brought along. It turns out he grew up under the bridge where my in-laws live in Mumbai. We of course, took that it was some house by the bridge, but no. He's an orphan to escaped Kochi orphanage and got on a train that happened to be heading to Mumbai! One of the million street children! He eventually returned to the orphanage and took some classes, and began to teach, and moved up in life. An inspiring story.

He picked the worse off place in India, with his wife has opened a school with shelter (hostel) and has now about 6-7 kids staying in the shelter.

During their visit, and coincidently during this conversation, it was D's bedtime. She declared she would go put herself to bed. We were going through one of those stages where she would lay in bed for half hour singing and playing away in bed. She would ask us to close the door and turn off the light.

He continued to share that any child taken in under 2 years of age, shares their home. And their bed. They don't do what is done here, own bed, own room, "independence". Dave asked why. N & I stayed quiet. Simply put, they as parents know their child is safe, but the child has no idea. No fancy gadgets, games, monitors, can fill the space of a parent (mother or father or any caring adult) to make the child feel safe. He remembers the scary nights all alone in a room at night where the orphanage was understaffed and no one would come to calm their fears at night. It was a safe place, but for them the monsters made it bad. Their imaginations ran wild. Sure as an adult those nights don't affect him but he feels no child should need to go through that at least not at home. The world is a scary place, as he has seen first hand.

I remember him every time I hear anyone so freely and casually dish out the advice of let the child cry-it-out. The ones that drive me up the wall are pediatricians. There's no research to back this up. And fine if you do recommend the advice, give a handout of how to properly do it. Or if you decide to give parenting advice, give the different methods for parents to choose from. But no, people just throw it around as if it's teaching your kid riding a bicycle and it's the only "responsible" way!

Someone the other day in my friend's group said those who don't do it are just spoiling the child and being lazy. wow... they really think feeling sleep deprived for 28 months is fun and taking the easy way out?! But the funny thing, even the parents who used CIO still complain about their kids getting up at night. So, exactly how is it working??

Anyhow, this has turned into a rant...it was not meant to be. I hope there are more inspiring stories as the man's. He has two children of his own and he has adopted one more. And I wish his school does well. It's only 2 years old and slowly growing.

D waits for her turn!! She even gives the person in front space to move about. At the park if she happens to get too close to the person in front and sees they are trying to get on the slide, or the tunnel, she will say in Telugu, "Girl's turn. in the way, D move aside." It's wonderful! She picked it up so easily. The only problem is with kids who cut in front of her because there's room! She looks so puzzled but lets it be. I guess it's good practice for her future India trips. 

At the same time, once she determines the girl/boy in front is going to have her/his turn, they better not change their mind! If they do, she gets very upset and screams, "boy/girl turn!"

D shares. Anytime I tell her someone is coming home she runs to her toys and says happily,  "D share!" And she does. I hope it continues and is not just a temporary gig!

It's funny though I get so many comments, "oh how did she learn that? She doesn't go to daycare!" As if it's a skill only picked up if you do? 

Hubby has taken D to her first swim class...well, a splashing-about-water class! I hope it goes well. She ate well today but has not napped at all! She left reluctantly seeing I was not coming along. ugggh... and am so nervous. I don't know why. I think it's excitement really. I should be using this time to do some housework but I am all worked up. 

I think I will just bundle up and head to the class and watch....from a distance. If anything he will definitely need help on the way back! 

And it sucks that the weather has taken to such a bad turn.Couldn't it come tomorrow? Getting her to dress in layers on the way back will be such a challenge! yeeks...or not. She is always full of surprises! 

And she has become such a devil at taking baths. Skipped it completely this morning. She screamed yesterday morning. I ended up in the bathtub with her. Today I just didn't have the energy to put up a fight. So, I also wonder if it's a sudden fear of water?! 

Could I go hide in some cave till these terrible twos go away?! On the other hand, she has been demanding fruits and throwing a fit if I don't give her fruit fast enough!!!! lol.... not complaining there!

It's world cup season... not football/soccer but cricket! I have been following Cricket world cup in a completely novel way: following friends' facebook updates!! And then I followed the last match live on the internet - India vs. Pakistan game. I really would have liked to have watched the India-Australia match. I always liked the two playing.  I didn't watch it from the begining as it started at 4am (India-Pak match). What a game it was!

And D turned out to be a big Pakistan fan. As they seemed to be slipping and hope for Pakistan was slipping Divya became ever so cranky and fussy, I had to take her out of the apartment for a while. As soon as she saw our resident manager (who's from Pakistan), she was a happy camper! We came back to watch the last quarter of the match when it was still possible for either side to win! She cried when the match ended!

Good thing she's born an American and is on American soil and not in India... ;) 

I never was a big cricket fan. Growing up the boys in our neighbourhood wouldn't allow us girls to play the game. And once we left India we discovered other sports at school and I was never really sporty anyway. Tennis became something I followed. I guess mostly because that was what dad was following. It's amazing how much of an influence dad has been in my life and determining my tastes and choices! It's not surprising, but a lot of things these days I realise that dad would have done it this way.

And when I moved back with them to Malaysia, I began watching cricket with dad and became a quick fan! I miss the days of watching the match with him. Purposely acting ignorant to get him to talk about the game or give his opinion on it. Otherwise we would quietly watch it. But it was a good time. I miss that.

It only reminds me of how important it is for N & I to spend time with her and model good behaviour.

And tomorrow are the finals!! yay! If anyone is interested here's a great article written by an American discovering the craze about cricket in India. And you know you have come a long way when Americans casually ask if we watched the match and not go, "Cricket? The insect?!"

December 17 – Lesson Learned What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

Everyone says I will make a great mom, I hear it often. However, how do they know is what I wonder. What makes them say that? Are they just saying it to be polite and encouraging? These thoughts often came as well because of self-doubt. Of how I will be, being responsible for another human being.

But what I learned about myself goes with the saying, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. I shouldn't say I surprised myself but I was happy that I could manage things on my own with the occasional flare ups and breakdowns. I do my research, ask about, find things out and keep on moving.

I hope this continues as not only does she want her physican needs fulfilled but the emotional ones also start to increase.

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

2010 - Metamorphosis

A year ago I was pregnant, reading many books and other sources, listened to advice, saw other moms to get an idea of what to expect once a child arrives. Looking back now I realise how innocent I was, how ignorant I was to what was to come! One really is oblivious to the full meaning of what it is to have a child until the child makes the grand appearance. 2010 saw the metamorphosis of both N and I into the world of parenthood. D has changed our lives completely from something so carefree into something completely different (I haven't found the words to describe what "now" is). We now rethink every little action we take/make at home and outdoors.

2011 - Learning

Am sure just as D goes through many development stages, which would include feeding, walking, talking, etc., I will probably continue to learn so many new things about life, myself, and her.

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Reverb 10 (#reverb10) is now an annual event, an inspired response to (and evolution of) #best09. It’s an open online initiative that encourages participants to reflect on this year and manifest what’s next. It’s an opportunity to retreat and consider the reverberations of your year past, and those that you’d like to create in the year ahead. We’re connected by the belief that sharing our stories has the power to change us. We look forward to reading yours.

It's been a very busy week! We have had so many visitors the last two weekends and during the week. It's been really fun! I have been enjoying other human/adults company. One weekend ago, a Saturday it was, we had Pav Bhaji night, where another friend and her 6 week old and hubby came along, another two friends joined us and we had a baby-talk free night! Of course, being that the babies at home needed so much attention we slipped into baby talk handful of times in 5 hours but did pretty good, methinks!  We should do it more often!

I find it rather amusing how everyone feels compelled to talk to me about baby stuff all the time. Really, I am also interested in other things. I have tried meeting with people who never had kids thinking that this would help change the subject, but even they somehow feel obligated to talk baby stuff.

I am tired of talking about my labour, the first few weeks - which now seem like a blur. I want to hear about other going on's in the world. Sometimes, of course, it's helpful, but I generally bring up the subject with parents who have kids who are still young (toddler age). I have found that parents with older kids have somewhat forgotten these first few months stage.

One of the most common subjects that comes up during our conversations, which is also baby related is my decision to stay home with baby and leave the working world for now. Some have been supportive of the idea, some have suggested otherwise. Some have shared how it wouldn't work for them, some have given tips on how to cope with the change, and some have tried to convince me to not do that. It's the latter that has begun to bother me, as it steps on my toes.

It also bothers me that women in this day and age have to make such a tough decision. I would think in a society that has "progressed" so much would have a better support system for women who also want to pursue a career. In India, my cousins (sisters) have the support system from their parents or in-laws who stay home with them; hiring a maid is affordable and slowly they are also getting maternity benefits at the workforce in addition.

Yes, it probably would be very beneficial for our financial status for me to work and it would be beneficial for me not have a gap in my resume as I have seen my former colleague have a huge dip in her salary when she left the workforce for 10 years to care for her children. However, it's a choice we make. And I am fortunate that it is a choice that I can make. There are so many for whom because of circumstances, do not have these choices to even consider. And there are many who want to continue for the same of personal satisfaction. Whatever it is, what we enjoy today that our previous generations sought for, is the freedom to choose. It is not that the women previously fought for the right to work and so every woman has the obligation to work. It is having the choice to decide for oneself what one would want in life without being judged is what came out from the women's movement - at least this is what I'd like to think and hope for.

Anyhow, for now I want to give my all to the little one, and have gladly left the workforce. I have to find means to keep my mind sharp but that's another challenge for me to overcome. But I am happy to have left the workforce. Maybe that will change later on, but I will not think, "darn! I shouldn't have done this!"

Of course, when my LO grows up and starts answering back.... ;)